Breakups are painful, and they don’t get any easier the older you get. When someone has filled a space in your heart for a sustained period of time, it feels like you have literally lost a “piece of you” when they suddenly exit your life. The good news is that things will get better, and day-by-day you will start to find your feet. Even better is that you will become a stronger person for the experience, and you will know what you do and don’t want next time around. It often takes a break up for us to grow, and a year or so down the line we realize that in fact it was for the best. That said, you probably don’t feel like that right now, so to get you through, here is the best way to get over a break up.
1. Start learning to become content with your own company. Enjoy your friends as much as possible and put time into hobbies that you may have neglected during your relationship. It will be hard to spend time on your own at first, but learning to enjoy “me time” without the need for constant company from family or friends is vitally important in the healing process.
2. Refrain from asking mutual friends about your ex and what he/she is up to. This will only torture your mind and encourage you to make contact – out of sight out of mind.
3. When you feel the urge to see, call, text or email your ex in pursuit of a nostalgic experience, hold back and seriously think about what you are doing. These activities will only prolong the pain and lead you down a round of further emotional games that more often than not end negatively.
4. Being able to reflect on the relationship, recognising and admitting your own wrong doings without becoming upset, angry or blameful, is an important part of the healing process. Relationships involve two people and are rarely ever completely one sided. No matter how much you dislike your ex now, you should be aiming to get to an emotionally balanced state where you feel neutral about the past and positive about the future.
5. Try to start viewing the breakup as the start of a new positive era of your life. Let go of any feeling of regret and view the relationship as part of your life learning experience.
6. Focus your energy on your studies, career and personal development. Take baby steps to greater achievements. The faster you start feeling empowered in other areas of your life the sooner you will get over your ex.
7. Whatever you do don’t jump into a new relationship straight away. You might feel lonely and want affection, but this will only lead to you suppressing emotions and not grieving properly. You must allow time for your emotions to run their natural course. Not to mention that a rebound is unfair for the other person involved; they simply wouldn’t be getting the best of you, or even the real you.
8. Realise that the only way to be happy (eventually) with someone else is to first be happy alone. Take time out to reflect on the person you were going into your last relationship and the person you have become having come out the other side. Regardless of how you feel now, you will become happier and stronger as the weeks roll by.