Breaking up is a painful experience, and guys, like girls, are often left clinging onto the hope of getting back together. Emotions run deep, and the thought of carrying on life without the girl you once shared so much love with leaves you feeling empty and distraught. Even where a relationship has fully broken down or become destructive, we often feel compelled to continue trying to claw back the happy days through nostalgia and rose tinted glasses, even though we know deep down we are better off alone.
However, there are those situations where you know that if you had just altered your selfish behavior or hadn’t stepped over the line, you would still have your ex-girlfriend in your life. Problem is, she doesn’t want to know right now, and any erratic behaviour could push her even further away. What you need to do is take a step back and read the advice below. This advice will help you devise a strategic psychological plan that will position you for a positive reconciliation, and more than likely have her running back to you. Here are the 7 fundamental rules that comprise the best way to get your ex girlfriend back in
Rule #1: Do Not Make Contact Under Any Circumstance
The likelihood is your ex has asked you to leave her alone, and you need to respect that. Don’t torture yourself further by ringing off her phone and getting blanked, or sneakily asking her friends what she is up to or who she is seeing – this might make you jealous and behave stupidly. Let sleeping dogs lie and stay away. Turning up to her house like a stalker won’t win back her affection either, instead it will drive her further away. Show her that you are strong enough to be alone and man enough to walk away. In turn this reverse psychology will make her start thinking about you and what you are up to. Don’t be a predictable bugaboo and get possessive like she is still yours, because she isn’t. Cut contact and give you both some much-needed space.
Rule #2: Self Indulge In Positive Activity
It’s time for some positive me-time. You have probably been in a relationship for a while and now it’s time to find you again, to enjoy the things you love and perhaps didn’t have time for when you were with your ex girlfriend. If you like football then go see some matches with friends. If you enjoy golf then go play golf. Stimulate your brain with some outdoor pursuits like trekking, mountain biking or running. The adrenaline pumping through your body will release endorphins that will make you feel alive and happy again, and tire you out so you don’t toss and turn thinking about her when your head hits the pillow. Try and avoid getting drunk to drown your emotions. All that will achieve is a great high followed by a huge low and a bad headache. Let her friends report back to her that you are out doing positive, healthy and independent activities. Again this will trip her out and put play to any thoughts she had of you sitting around crying waiting for the phone to ring.
Rule 3: Make Emotionally Balanced Contact
Now that you are feeling like you again and are thinking with your head not silly unbalanced emotions, it is time to make contact with your ex-girlfriend. Preferably avoid making a phone call for the first contact; reason being if she doesn’t pick up you will take it personally and be tempted to keep calling until she does pick up. Instead, drop her an email or text message that simply says something to the tune of, “Hey, just dropping you a message to see how you have been and what you’ve been up to. Give me a call or SMS when you get a moment. Take care <name>” Simple, friendly and casual. The ball is now in her court. Wait for contact and then pursue a phone call.
Rule 4: Arrange A Friendly Meet
Once you have made contact and spoken by phone a few times suggest a meet up during the day, NOT the evening. Evenings might suggest to her that you have a romantic agenda and intend on luring her through seduction. Suggest a friendly meet on neutral grounds in a fairly busy location. Emphasis on the word “friendly” here. This isn’t a get back together meeting. No. This is a meeting to show her how fine you are with everything, but also a meeting with a secondary agenda of reminding her of the things she likes about you and what good friends you used to be. When you meet up, don’t even mention the relationship unless she does. Talk about what you have been up to and relax without any preconceptions of the situation. If she knows you to be witty then be that, if she knows you to be kind and polite then be that too. Be the person she first fell in love with, i.e. the real you. The last outcome of this meeting should be the arrangement of another meet up within two weeks.
Rule #5: Maintain The Friendship And Be Supportive
In the two weeks that go by you should make contact with her every few days, either by email, SMS or phone. If she isn’t initiating any contact then let 4 days go past and give her time to contact you. Keep contact friend-like, carrying on being yourself. Be courteous and polite, and be understanding if she is busy. It is highly likely she will bring up the relationship and discuss her feelings in some way. Do not get into debate or denial. Be supportive and understanding, letting her know that you can see where she is coming from and that you are perfectly okay with her expressing her feelings on past events and current feelings. Admit your wrong doings and encourage her to open up as any good friend would.
Rule #6: Encourage But Don’t Push Reconciliation
You are making great progress and by now you should be regularly meeting up. You will be sharing jokes and often reminiscing on days gone past, but don’t take this as an indicator that you can move in for affection, or as a sign that she is up for getting back together. Simply carry on as you are, showing her that you are happy with life and the friendship as it is. However, at the same time encourage reconciliation by empowering her to speak about how she feels and facilitating conversations about the love you shared previously. This strategy will slowly start to make her question whether you want to get back together with her at all. What you have achieved without even realizing it is a complete reversal of the situation. She is now where you were at the beginning of this plan. She is feeling insecure that you may actually only want a friendship, and that you are in fact over her and do not desire her affection any longer.
Rule #7: Wait For A Direct Opening & Calmly Lay Your Cards On The Table
Within the next two weeks you should see a change in her behavior in both physical and digital communication. When you are out she may instigate hugs or tactility. She may send suggestive text messages or loaded emails, which to her may seem subtle but to you scream out that she is desperately seeking your attention and wanting to know how you really feel. Don’t respond to anything other than direct questioning. Unless she asks you something outright don’t just come out and spill your emotions. This is a common error that sees guys spill all at the hint of an opening only to be rejected or pushed back into a corner – this could set you back to Rule #2.
Once the opening comes don’t start jumping for joy or crying like a baby. If she says she wants to give it another go or asks what you think about giving it another go, do the following in a calm, balanced and mature way. Tell her you do want to give things another go but realize the importance of sitting down and ensuring that you talks things through, making sure you both understand what went wrong and what needs to be changed going forward. This shows that you aren’t desperate but you are serious about doing thing properly, respectfully and kindly this time around. Taking this approach not only wins you your girl back, it also wins you respect and makes your relationship more likely to work out second time around.